Captain’s Log – 050922 – The Challenge

Last Saturday a group of a dozen or so high school friends gathered for lunch at Brio’s Italian Grille in Pompano Beach. I will refrain from using their full names or pictures out of respect for their privacy and the real possibility one or more may have outstanding bench warrants. The event was organized by lead instigator Nurse Laurie, a pretty, blonde, hyperactive, and eternally cheerful US Navy nurse, who evaluated distances, researched all the restaurants in Florida within a prescribed geographical area, negotiated with the restaurants, and kept everyone informed every step of the way. Nurse Laurie, in addition to being our official unelected event planner is also one of our resident experts in everything medical.

Nurse Laurie celebrated her 21st birthday again on April 30 and she wanted to celebrate with a few friends from the old neighborhood. Due to Nurse Laurie’s profession, she restricted it to those individuals who had been vaccinated against Covid. Understandably, she did not want to become an unwitting carrier and put her patients at risk.

Nurse Laurie drove from her home in Orlando the previous Friday and spent the weekend at Medical Economist Cathy’s house in Parkland. Medical Economist Cathy is a quiet pretty bespectacled redhead who recently moved into her new home in Parkland. In high school, she was also quiet, pretty and redheaded but not a Medical Economist yet. My fading memory does not recall if she was bespectacled, not that I would have noticed anyway. Medical Economist Cathy has the added distinction of having a brother who played trumpet so there is obviously royal lineage flowing in those pretty redheaded veins.

Most of the group had gathered for lunch within the last couple of years. Nurse Laurie puts together these events whenever she’s not saving lives, walking miles around EPCOT, taking pictures of all 453 of her children and grandchildren at fun places, or taking pictures of lizards and flowers. She likes to take pictures and is very good at it. Furthermore, there were two classmates I had not seen in many years. Debbie of Italian Royalty sat next to me at the table and next to Debbie of Italian Royalty sat Vivian School Spirit.

Debbie of Italian Royalty and Vivian School Spirit were the heart and soul of our school’s pep program back in the day. They were both cheerleaders and were involved in several clubs and student council and art interest clubs. Debbie of Italian Royalty was even our Homecoming Queen (hence the “royalty”) and she still looks the part today.

Across the table from us sat Vivian from Naples and her husband, David from Naples. Though I did not bother to test my hypothesis, I believe they had the longest single-day drive of the group since they drove from their home in Naples, Florida. The From Naples family is gleefully awaiting the birth of their newest granddaughter. Their daughter, Megan from Naples, is doing well and is expected to bring forth the little bundle of joy later this month.

Next to the From Naples family sat Nurse Laurie and next to Nurse Laurie sat Maria the Rotarian and her husband Michael the Rotarian. When I grow up, I want to be like the Rotarians. The Rotarians enjoy a rich active social life filled with traveling and parties and lavish dinners and beautiful vacations. I am hoping they will adopt me sooner rather than later.

At the end of that row sat Sheri Brett’s Mom. Sheri Brett’s Mom is a fierce and intense mama bear with a remarkable talent for taking a bushel of lemons and turning it into sweet delicious lemonade. Sheri Brett’s Mom is also the only known (to me) alumna who actually owns a Fascinator and has worn it to one of our previous events. At the head of the table sat Lenny Smiles. Lenny Smiles was that kid in school who knew everybody and who everybody liked. That has not changed. Everybody liked Lenny Smiles because he was always upbeat and actually listened to what you said. Lenny Smiles currently works in technology and is able to make numbingly boring stuff seem exciting. If you leave Lenny Smiles alone with a camera and a hot mike, he could take over the world. Beware of Lenny Smiles.

An interesting bit of information was subsequently provided to the author by an unnamed source concerning Lenny Smiles’ defibrillator. It seems Lenny Smiles gave Sheri Brett’s Mom access to the remote control of his implanted defibrillator. This device allows Sheri Brett’s Mom to zap Lenny Smiles whenever she believes he is having a cardiac episode. Sheri Brett’s Mom has a wry sense of humor and it is not beyond the realm of possibility that Sheri Brett’s Mom could light up Lenny Smiles unexpectedly just for giggles. Lenny Smiles may want to revisit that decision unless he likes the spontaneity of unpredictable jump starts.

Seated at Lenny Smiles’ left was Medical Economist Cathy. Medical Economist Cathy just sat there quietly, looking radiant, fresh-faced, and redheaded as ever. What a lovely sight. Next to Medical Economist Cathy sat Terry Rescuer. Terry Rescuer is a longtime firefighter and happens to be one of two people in attendance who was in my homeroom from junior high to high school (except for that one year I went to a different junior high). Sheri Brett’s Mom was the other one. Terry Rescuer is a man of few words probably because he’s always on the lookout for potential fire hazards and stuff. I felt very secure knowing if somebody screwed up and set the kitchen on fire Terry Rescuer would get on it and put it out right away.

Next to Terry Rescuer sat David Legal Eagle. David Legal Eagle is an attorney who has worked on some high-profile cases none of which will be discussed here. David Legal Eagle was the cool cat in high school. He even played the saxophone in the jazz band. He didn’t play just any saxophone – he played the baritone sax, a huge pregnant pelican-looking thing that blurred your vision whenever it sounded low As. David Legal Eagle is still the same cool cat he was in high school.

Last but by no means least was Iris the Navigator. Iris the Navigator sat to my left even though I consider her my right-hand man. Iris the Navigator did not attend our high school. She attended a high school in the frozen tundra that is Milwaukee. Iris the Navigator speaks very little because she is either listening attentively or eating all the appetizers. When Iris the Navigator says something, it is usually hilarious because she sees the world very differently than anyone else.

The conversation at our end of the table ran the gamut. Since all of us had travelled around the sun over 60-something times, there were a few topics that were sort of the standard for our age group. Medical conditions, Calcium scores, medications, A1C, grandchildren, generic drugs, percent blockage of the Widowmaker, kick-ass cardiologists, diets, aches and pains, defibrillators, homes, retirement, medical marijuana, abuse of medical marijuana, the joys of medical marijuana, deceased classmates, chemistry lab explosion, chemistry teacher on fire, soreness, rising early, vacations, future vacations, Medicare, Medicare Parts A & B, and Medicare Advantage Plans featuring Silver Sneakers. Then Nurse Laurie mentioned she wanted to put together a cruise to the Bahamas for February 2023, and open it to whomever felt comfortable regardless of their vaccination status.

Until now it was all fun and games. For every gathering to date it was assumed everyone would be fully dressed. There would be no need to whip out the Speedos or the bikinis because that kind of attire would be considered grossly inappropriate at a restaurant, even for an early lunch. When everyone is fully dressed, everything under the clothes remains a well-concealed mystery – an illusion. It requires an active imagination and vigorous mental gymnastics to conjure mental images of what is concealed under the clothes. Sometimes it seems creepy when somebody stares unblinkingly at another person while performing those vigorous mental gymnastics. It could be the stress of the intense mental gyrations or it could simply be a symptom of aggressive Botox therapy. Either way, it tends to make some people uncomfortable.

Now that Nurse Laurie opened that cruise can of worms it became obvious there would be a time when people would be expected to jump into a body of water, either the ocean or a swimming pool. Though rare, some people have been known to swim fully clothed, most often accidentally, but on rare occasions intentionally. Normal people don nice swimwear to swim. Those items tend to be more revealing than a pair of pants and a shirt.

I do not presume to speak for any of my classmates who are obviously beautiful inside and out, but I for one, will require some tightening before strutting around in my swim trunks.

Circumstances during the past year caused me to neglect my health and physical fitness. At least that is what I tell people and myself. I have some dumbbells and a small bench in the patio but the lizards have chosen it as the ideal place to sun themselves in the morning. I also have a gym membership that I pay religiously every month in case I wake up with the urge to lift a bunch of weights that I don’t already have at home. I have become lax in my eating habits as well. I was about 10 pounds lighter last year because I avoided sugars, starch, bread, rice, and processed foods. No soft drinks and no fast foods. I actually felt great.

Last Thursday I went to have bloodwork for my upcoming appointment with the cardiologist. The lab technician must have known I had let myself go because she butchered my arm inserting the needle. She thought she hit the vein but apparently missed so she just wiggled the needle around until the blood gushed.

My cardiologist is an awesome health freak and he was very pleased with my results last year. I am sure the labs are going to suck this year and he is going to kick my ass. I richly deserve it.

Today, I feel ok but not as good as last year. I also don’t look as good. Clothes don’t fit the same and anytime I do anything remotely physical like digging a hole in the yard, pulling a stump, or washing a car, I feel sore for the next couple of days. I saw a picture of myself at the lunch and it looked like my head was bloated. Nurse Laurie lit that fire to get back into shape.

Starting today, May 9, 2022, I commit to eating correctly and to exercise. No more Steve’s Pizza or Special Grilled chicken wings, cheese fries, and a frosty pitcher of Yuengling at Hammocks Grill (sob).

I will resume my daily early morning walks at the nearby park and after flicking off the lizard poop, begin lifting the dumbbells at home.

I would have started yesterday but it was Mother’s Day and I had to treat the Navigator to breakfast at Chuck Wagon. It’s kind of a tradition. We also had the kids over and we feasted on Chinese food and Key Lime Pie. So yesterday was not a good day to start.

Some may ask why I don’t just go to the gym instead of lifting the dumbbells at home. Simple, I need to get in shape before I go to the gym to get in shape. A guy can’t just walk into a gym all out of shape and start flinging weights around. When you are out of shape the weights have to be lighter so you can maintain proper form. If you come in out of shape and start lifting regular weights you will be unable to move for a solid two weeks. Every muscle fiber and hair follicle will curse the day you were born. It is better to do a month of flyes in preparation for the gym than to go in cold and bench 3 sets of 10 reps with 130 pounds the first day. A man can never do less than three sets of anything no matter how heavy it is. It just doesn’t look right and other men will look at you suspiciously. An Olympic barbell with one 45-pound plate on each side is about 130 pounds. Only suspiciously strange men lift barbells with small plates. It is unnatural.

The Navigator is not pleased with my decision. She loves cheese fries but will support me in my goal. She will not go hardcore and cut out all the tasty stuff but she will moderate herself.

By the way, weight is not a measure of health but it is sometimes used as a factor to calculate the Body Mass Index (BMI). I am indisposed to being dunked in a tank of water just to find my BMI, so I will use the weight as a general guideline. I mentioned to Nurse Laurie my goal of losing 40 pounds to get down to 200 pounds by cruise time and she concurred. If the cruise is in February, I would need to lose 4.4 pounds per month for the next 9 months. Definitely doable.

So that’s my challenge. I will post occasional Captain’s Logs with my progress. Bon voyage and stay healthy my friends.