I am not a medical doctor nor have I ever played one on TV. The information contained herein is for entertainment purposes only. This is what works for me but it may not work for everyone and it could even cause harm. Please consult a real medical professional before undertaking any exercise or nutrition regimen.
Pain
My body is at war with me. My legs are indignant with the squats, lunges and walking. They are conspiring to bring me down along with my arms who are protesting the pushups, triceps extensions, and curls. My shoulders look down on the others but they are upset with the dumbbell presses. Anytime I try to shrug it off they retaliate with a barrage of pain. The abs are in the middle of it all watching angrily and taking note of all my weak spots. They abuse me with waves of pain whenever I attempt to stand up or get out of bed. They hate crunches and will do anything to prevent me from moving. Absolutely everything hurts.
This is what happens when someone doesn’t exercise for several months then jumps back in assuming they can pick up where they left off. It was possible in our 20s because that’s when we were closest to being indestructible. Back then our bodies healed from overexertion, inebriation, abuse, and trauma very quickly. At least mine did. We could party until the wee hours, get home, shower and go to work with no ill effects.
When you turn 60, if it heals at all it heals slowly. What used to take a day to recuperate now takes three. It does not matter how slowly or carefully you exercise; you are going to hurt until the body becomes accustomed to being trained. For me this is approximately two weeks.
High C
A couple of years ago my cardiologist told me I had a high C score. As a trumpet player, I liked the idea of a high C since it happens to be one of my favorite notes. My cardiologist probably thought, “Why is this idiot smiling about a high C score?” He explained a high C score meant I had significant plaque buildup in my arteries and was at high risk of a heart attack or stroke. The news was grim and terrified me. The way he explained it made me feel like I was already dead but had forgotten to lay down. I asked if I would live long enough to have lunch with the Navigator. He told me people with a high C score can live a long life as long as they watch what they eat and they exercise. He recommended more grazing (eating salads and vegetables) and reducing the amount of red meat. eggs, and dairy products in my diet.
The cardiologist explained there was no way to reduce a C score, it would only go up. This was distressing so I asked if there was some way to remove the plaque from my arteries. He told me no. I asked if there was some kind of vascular Roto-Rooterization procedure where a microscopic plumbing snake is run through my entire circulatory system to ream out the plaque. He said no but that he would put my name at the top of the list if anyone ever developed it. That made me feel much better but I think he was kidding.
Last Thursday, I saw my cardiologist for the yearly checkup. I was shocked when he told me my labs looked great and had improved from the previous year. The blood was drawn from my arm on May 3, before I began this challenge, so I knew it was not because of anything I had done recently. I gained 10 pounds since last year’s checkup and gotten lax with my diet. I consumed copious amounts of pizza, chicken wings, beer, chocolate candy, Quarter Pounders, Whoppers, KFC Original Recipe, French fries, and other delicious stuff. I went in expecting him to prescribe euthanasia but he actually congratulated me. In reality, I must not have eaten that poorly otherwise it would have reflected in the blood work. I dodged a bullet.
Progress
On May 9, I began this challenge. I began by swinging dumbbells around at home then later incorporated walking. My morning starts very early, usually 4:45 am. I sneak out of bed because the Navigator is very vicious when disturbed and I do not need another enemy. I brush my teeth then go to the patio and swing some dumbbells around. I will do squats, lunges, flys, bicep curls, and triceps extensions. I might also do some shoulder presses and shrugs. Then I grab my phone and launch two apps, “MapMyFitness” and Spotify.
MapMyFitness is an app that uses GPS technology to track where, how far, and how long a person walks or runs. It is accurate and free and the best part is it stores the information for a long time. A voice tells you whenever you complete a mile and how long it took to do it. At the end of the walk, you can upload the workout so you can also see it on your laptop.
Spotify is a streaming app for music, podcasts, “books on tape”, and other content. It is great for getting in the right mindset to exercise. The playlists I enjoy most are latin jazz and oldies. The oldies trigger memories of days past and the people in my life at the time. It is a great way to reflect on my life journey and to be thankful for the people and experiences that helped mold my life into what it is today.
I enjoy walking very early in the morning before the sun rises because it is cool and serene. There are hardly any people out at that hour so it feels like I am the only person in the world. There is no traffic and everything is quiet except for the tunes in my ears. Toward the end of the walk the sun begins to rise and colors start to appear. Little by little cars emerge carrying their occupants to their daily grind. I feel a little sorry for them because that was me before I retired. They are trying to build a future. If they are anything like I was, they are thinking of deadlines, meetings, objectives, and the uncertainty the day will bring. This will consume them 8 to 12 hours per workday for the next forty-something years.
After the walk, I weigh myself and enter the weight and the data from MapMyFitness onto a spreadsheet I created in 2012. I designed the spreadsheet to estimate what my weight should be on any given day based on a goal I set at the beginning of the year. It’s a neat way to keep track of where I am versus my goal. My goal for this year is 190 pounds by December 31.
As you can see from the spreadsheet, I lost 9.4 pounds from May 9 to May 16. This is great but in no way sustainable. This usually happens the first few days after I make a significant change in diet and exercise. Since I went from a “see food” diet to one with lots of vegetation, reduced carbohydrates, and no sugar, my body responded positively. This morning I overslept and got up at 6:30 am so I did not do the walk (the sun was already up). The weight increased by a pound from the previous day probably due to water retention and overindulgence in a delicious grilled chicken dish the Navigator prepared yesterday. I am not concerned because the overall trend is for the weight to go down if I maintain consistency. It is lunacy to try to maintain this weekly rate long term. The 4.4 pounds per month mentioned in the previous Captain’s Log is much more realistic.
Sucking
Last night the Navigator and I were chilling when I mentioned I had not touched the trumpet in three weeks. I explained there was a Memorial Day concert coming up and I may be asked to play Taps. I asked if she wanted to come to the concert. She asked, “Are you going to suck again?”
That was a loaded question. What did she mean by “suck again”? Did she believe people who actually sucked planned to suck? Did she assume I would play at a concert knowing that I would suck?
I asked, “What are you talking about? I don’t suck.”
“You did at the last concert.”
“Which one?”
“The concert at the library.”
“That was a pickup band and there was no conductor or even a music list. We winged it the best we could. I played first trumpet which carried the melody in every song so if I made any little mistake, it stuck out like a sore thumb. Violette even sat next to me at the front of the band!”
“Thank God. At least Violette was cute but you still sucked.”
“Thanks for the encouragement. I may have cracked a couple of notes here and there but I wasn’t that bad.”
“I’m not going if you’re going to suck like that so you better practice if you want me to go. I don’t want anyone to think I know you if you’re going to suck.”
“Well then, thanks for your support.”
So last night I spent an hour practicing long tones and lip slurs. Heaven forbid I crack a single note. I wonder if she’s going to have me audition before she decides to go. The Navigator is brutal.