Top Ten Reasons Why Attending Your Coral Park 50-Year High School Reunion is Better Than Attending the 1975 Coral Park Senior Prom.
1. It is more comfortable.
Gentleman do not need to wear tuxedos and ladies do not need to wear fancy evening gowns.
2. It is safer.
The 1970s was the decade of platform shoes and Aqua Net. Dancing while wearing platform shoes was like dancing on stilts. There was a high probability of serious ankle trauma and nosebleeds. If you sprayed Aqua Net into an open flame, you had your own personal flamethrower. Anybody whose Aqua Netted head came too close to an open flame or a sparkler was likely to transform into a human torch.
Anyone at the reunion with big hair is probably wearing a wig so it is easy to cast it off if it ignites.
3. Less emotional trauma.
Gentlemen risked rejection and humiliation whenever asking a young lady to the prom. Young ladies hoped the right gentleman would invite them to the prom and worried about not being asked at all.
Nobody cares about who you take to the reunion or if you even have a date.
4. Availability of cocktails.
If you wanted a drink at the prom, you were out of luck. You had to be at least 18 and no alcohol was served at the prom.
The reunion has an open bar from 7:00 pm until 11:00 pm.
5. It is simpler.
Gentlemen had to provide their date with a color coordinated corsage and ladies had to provide their date with a color coordinated boutonniere.
There is no requirement to dress your date in a salad at the reunion.
6. It is calmer.
After the prom, many gentlemen energetically cajoled their dates into watching submarine races at Crandon Park beach or into a romantic tryst on Perimeter Road near Miami International Airport.
After the reunion, most attendees will go straight to sleep (if they have not done so already) since it is at least 2 hours past their bedtime. There are exceptions. Some weirdos like to order several pizzas, overload a hotel elevator, and continue the party in an undisclosed room at the hotel. You know who you are.
7. It is nutritionally healthier.
After the prom, teenaged attendees developed a voracious appetite. They went to the IHOP on Coral Way and 87th Avenue or maybe the Lums on Bird Road. Some even hit the Mister Donut next to the IHOP if their timing was right. The youths replenished their energy by consuming copious amounts of greasy burgers, fries, shakes, donuts, and soda.
After the reunion, most attendees will quaff a half gallon of Mylanta to maintain their regularity.
8. It is less disruptive to loved ones.
Parents worried on prom night. Youths wanted to remain out until the wee hours and parents hoped they returned home at a reasonable hour like 9:00 pm. Many youths snuck home after 4:00 am only to find a concerned parent or parents waiting for them with a look of consternation.
Nobody cares when the reunion attendee returns home. They are probably sleeping soundly in a comfy corner of the venue. What could they possibly do? Watch submarine races or go smooching at the airport?
9. There is no need to make up cockamamie stories.
Young men poured themselves into ill-fitting cheap rented tuxedos and tried valiantly to keep everything together. The hardest part was returning the tuxedo the next day and explaining to the proprietor why the shoes were full of sand and there was seaweed in the pockets. Young ladies probably had to explain the same things to their parents.
Attire for the reunion is something befitting its theme, “Tropical Nights”. Comfortable shoes and slacks and a flowered shirt or guayabera for the gents. A colorful dress or other comfortable outfit for the ladies. If your outfit has an unintended encounter with nature, you do not have to explain it to anyone. No shorts, cutoffs, booty shorts, Daisy Dukes, sweat pants, thongs, or flip flops please. That goes for everyone. No exceptions. Thank you.
10. Increased abundance of monarchy.
The prom only had one King and one Queen. These were physically attractive youths who were also popular and garnered a majority of votes.
At the reunion, everybody is a King and/or Queen. We also have Presidents, Caesars, Pharaohs, Chiefs, and every other form of leader known to mankind. Nobody cares how you look. A troglodyte can still be royalty. We all diligently serve our own realms and are deeply loved by the people that matter most to us.
Your reunion committee urges you to consider the compelling scientific evidence presented above and to make your reunion arrangements at your earliest convenience. There is a small financial reward for registering early. This will be our biggest and best reunion yet. See you there!